Understanding Matrescence

Matrescence is messy, beautiful, and deeply transformative. By naming it and bringing it into public discourse, we can begin to rewrite the narrative of motherhood, centering empathy and community in a culture that so desperately needs both.

Motherhood is often framed as a moment of joy and fulfillment, but the reality for many women is far more nuanced. Matrescence, a term coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, describes the developmental process of becoming a mother. Much like adolescence, matrescence is a period of profound transformation—physically, emotionally, and socially. Despite its universal nature, this phase remains largely overlooked, leaving today's generation of mothers to navigate its challenges in isolation.

What is Matrescence?

Matrescence is not just about the biological shifts of pregnancy and childbirth. It encompasses the psychological redefinition of self, the reorientation of priorities, and the renegotiation of relationships. Mothers must balance societal expectations of perfection while grappling with new responsibilities, identity loss, and significant lifestyle changes. Yet, unlike adolescence, which is widely recognized and supported, matrescence is often misunderstood or dismissed.

Why Are Today’s Mothers Struggling More?

Modern mothers face unique pressures, amplified by the realities of living in an individualistic and capitalistic society:

1. Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood
   Social media creates a curated illusion of "effortless motherhood," leaving many women feeling inadequate when they cannot meet these unattainable standards. The pressure to "do it all" and excel in both career and parenting often leads to burnout and self-doubt.

2. Erosion of Community Support
   Traditional, multi-generational support systems have dwindled in modern American society. Many mothers lack the village that once helped navigate the challenges of raising children. This isolation exacerbates feelings of loneliness and inadequacy during matrescence.

3. Economic Pressures and Time Poverty
   Capitalism places value on productivity and output, which translates into a society where paid work is prioritized over caregiving. Many mothers feel forced to return to work quickly after childbirth, and to continue to feel squeezed by workplace demands, leaving little time to process the physical and emotional changes they are experiencing in the months and years postpartum.

4. Stigma Around Mental Health and Struggles
   In America's individualistic culture, asking for help is often perceived as weakness. Many mothers are expected to endure matrescence silently, sidelining their mental health needs to maintain the appearance of control and capability.

5. Invisible Labor
   Invisible labor significantly impacts matrescence by placing a heavy mental and emotional burden on mothers, often leading to feelings of exhaustion, stress, resentment, “mom-rage”, and decreased overall well-being, as the constant planning, decision-making, and responsibility for household and childcare tasks go largely unacknowledged, even when shared with a partner. The impact and overwhelm of invisible labor on women can further exacerbate the challenges of adjusting to motherhood and navigating the hormonal changes of the postpartum period.

6. Hormonal Shifts
   Hormones significantly impact women during matrescence, the transition to motherhood, by causing rapid fluctuations in levels of estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin, which can lead to a range of physical and emotional changes like mood swings, fatigue, anxiety, and intense bonding feelings, from pregnancy through the first several years postpartum. These hormonal changes are considered a key factor in the complex experience of new motherhood.

The Minimization of Maternal Struggles

America's societal structure often glorifies independence and self-sufficiency, leaving little room to acknowledge the communal needs of new mothers. The lack of affordable childcare, paid parental leave, and comprehensive postpartum care, including adequate medical and mental health resources, reflects this systemic oversight. Instead, the struggles of matrescence are labeled as personal failings, rather than being recognized as a societal issue that requires structural support and compassion.

Moving Toward Change

Recognizing matrescence as a significant life transition is the first step in addressing the struggles mothers face. Creating spaces for honest conversations, offering mental health resources, and advocating for systemic changes—such as extended parental leave policies and affordable childcare—can help. Most importantly, acknowledging that the challenges of matrescence are not personal weaknesses but a natural and demanding part of development can empower mothers to seek the support they deserve.

Matrescence is messy, beautiful, and deeply transformative. By naming it and bringing it into public discourse, we can begin to rewrite the narrative of motherhood, centering empathy and community in a culture that so desperately needs both.

-Kaci Smith, LMFT

I am a licensed psychotherapist and mom in California. I am passionate about bringing women together through mutually empathic relationships that foster healing and growth. I run online women’s therapy groups, including a postpartum support group, year round!